02 May 2008
我快受不了了啦!! altough i say tat i'll nt be bloggin aft exam.. but now i'm reali stress out by all de idiotic tings n situation around me.. its driving me crazy..zzzzz.. 1st is late for sch during chi paper den in de end no tym finish n i'll be finish when i fail tat paper!! 2nd. i oso nvr finish miie chi n eng paper 2.. miie paper1 for eng i hav written over 4oo words for both compos!! i'm done for it tis tym round... de worst ting hav yet to come.. i act wan to study math n sci ytd cos it is holiday.. but god is jokin with me n i was having high fever de moment i wokeup ytd.. miie head hurts n i m so tired till i was sleeping on de bed for de whole ENTIRE day..zzzzz... n now i reali dunno wad i'm doing.. its feels tat evyting is getting in miie way n i reali dunno y i hav to giv miieself so much stress.. tere was oso a q. tat hav been troubling me for a long tym since aft sec1 camp last yr.. i feel tat i'm drifting mor n mor away frm miie squadmates n dey all say is miie attitude prob.. i agree with tat, but i just cant find de solution.. when i tok to 1 of miie reliable fren abt wad i'm troubling n all miie q. i've expected a console or a help frm her, but instead tat was nt wad i've receive.. i was rather disappointed n i doubt i will ever approach her again. i reali miss de days i had last yr.. a carefree n happy life in np.. now de happiness turns into countless of tears.. i reali wanted to enjoy miie np life with de whole np unit..cos i lve np n i wouldnt wanna lose it.. i knw tat tis wont be an easy task.. n i did nt pin high hopes on tis almost impossible wish...
有苦说不出的兹味你们了解吗?? i've seems to lose all de tings tat once belongs to me.. now i cant find ani1 tat i can truely speak to.. when i'm hapi i'll have frens to tok to, but when i nid some1 to tok heart to heart, i could find no one. nt a single person... n 4 np, when i try miie best to perform well.. some ppl would nt shuang me or say i copy ppl or act pro.. i reali dunno wad to do.. i reali feel lonely in np n i've oso kept asking miieself 1 ting.. shld i just do wad i tink tat is rite n dun care wad others tink abt me, or shld i keep low-profile n in tis way at least i would nt hav ani conflicts with miie squadmates or de seniors n de juniors... tis q. hav disturb me for several lonely months... sometyms i reali feel lyk crying n even if i cry no1 would care so i would rather cry alone with no 1 knwing or 把眼泪往肚子里吞.. at least in tis way (...) wouldnt say tat i'm acting.. :'( i knw tat i'm nt good in alot of tings... miie footdrill is so lousy, i'm talkative, irritating,bossy, competitive n kept on saying tings abt others tats y u ppl dun lyk me.. i knw de reasons well enough as i knw miieself.. but i couldnt helpit by asking miieself hu i reali am??can i tolerate all tis?? can i just be miieself?? or can i just giveup with wad i hav 2day instead of competing for de tings n be stress up, tired, being criticised n hav a burden tat is weighing mi down?? de road infront seems blur..de world doesnt seems to be rite.. i had troubles with no one to tok to n i dunno hu i can reali trust.. when i tink of all dis probs, all my frens turned into strangers... i reali dunnno wad to do n i've begining to doubt miie abilities n de strenght in me.. miie heart is bleeding with tears but no1knws.. i reali feel lyk collapsing with no pillar or hand to grab on.. i hate dis feeling, but i could do nothing.. when i sms ppl.. i knw tat i'm disturbing them n i oso expected tat dey will nt reply or even if dey reply dey will either scold me or say lame.. so i've cut down on smsing ppl.. now, hu can i rely on?? could i just die n end all tis emotional hurting stuffs.. i dunno i dunno i dunno..zzz. tis reali hurts!! :'(
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3:40 PM
huiyi..xp
